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something that sticks...

i get tired too.
** notes on him **

to start off, he's ugly.
he's old.
he was nice but i know that was because he was with her.
but even if he was nice at that time, it still doesn't make up for his act.
he's a jerk.
an asshole.
a liar.
a thief.
he used her.
he made promises and broke every single one of them.
he broke her.
he lied to her.
he's also a pusher.
he stole her from "them".
he turned her into something she wasn't.
he ruined her. every little piece of her.

-----------

just so you know, you fucking bastard:
you have no right to treat her like that.
if you think you're going to get out of this easily, you better think again.
i am not gonna let this one pass.
you sick asshole.
because of you, she smokes like crazy.
do you know that she was willing to spend like a lot of money just to be able to see you/talk to you?
oh, you probably didn't know that. because you don't know anything.
you're selfish. and you're one hell of a coward.
if i were you, i'd be ashamed of myself.
i wouldn't have the guts to show my face to the world.
people like you make this world look like crap.
you're a shit in this world.
you are not worthy of her.
you don't deserve any love from anyone, let alone from her.
if you didn't want to be with her anymore, then be a fucking man and say it.
what kind of MAN stops talking to a WOMAN just because he wants it over?
oh right. a jerk, like you. an asshole, like you.
because of you, there were days when they had to suffer.
they had to hear every possible swear word known to mankind when she was having a bad mood.
because of you, there were a couple of times when she'd rather spend money on things meant for you than for them.
it wasn't an equal love.
it was unfair for them.
they've been with her for a longer time.
they were with her when you weren't.
they had to see the worst of her.
and you never did.
she would put some time aside that's meant for you, and for you only.
when it comes to them, it's just a "hi-hello-bye".
they were jealous. but they kept it to themselves.
they wanted her to be happy.
but you ended up leaving her.
now she's sulking all over the place.
and it's a week before your anniversary and christmas.
you really are the most selfish, inconsiderate person there is.
how dare you make up some random, and very untrue story just to get out of what you've done?
god, and you really call yourself a MAN?




but you know what, i still wasted my time for you. so i hope you'll get the chance to read it:

PUTANG INA MO! GAGO KA! HAYOP KA! WALA KANG AWA!
ANG KAPAL NG MUKHA MO! LETCHE KA! PUNYETA KA!
ISA KANG MALAKING PAGKAKAMALI!
KAHIYA-HIYA KA!
MAMATAY KA SANA!
ANG KAPAL KAPAL KAPAL KAPAL KAPAL KAPAL KAPAL NG MUKHA MO.
GAGONG GAGONG GAGO KA.
FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
PUTANG INA MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
MAMATAY KA NAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
WALANG HIYA KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
GINAMIT MO LANG SIYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
WALA KANG KARAPATAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
PAGSISISIHAN MO TO.................................

I'VE NEVER HATED SOMEONE SO MUCH IN MY LIFE BEFORE
YOU'RE THE FIRST
AND I SWEAR TO GOD YOU'LL REGRET EVERYTHING YOU'VE DONE TO HER
THIS IS NOT OVER FOR ME
CHICAGO IS NOT FAR AT ALL, YOU KNOW.
I SUGGEST YOU BETTER START RUNNING SINCE YOU CAN'T EVEN DRIVE WITHOUT GETTING LOST OR MISSING AN EXIT IN THE FREEWAY
YOU SON OF A BITCH!



-----------------------------------

i wonder


i wonder....


i stopped remembering.

i stopped caring.

until one day, someone told me:

"i still have a good feeling about you guys"

how?

i wonder how that person has that kind of feeling when i don't.

i wonder how that person could feel that when i can't.

but most of all,


i wonder


"WILL IT EVER BE?"

stuck



im stuck.


stuck in this kind of life i dont want to live.


stuck in this course i dont want to study.


stuck in this turmoil.


physically, mentally, emotionally.


im stuck with the future i dont want to have.


im stuck with the present i cant deal with.


im stuck in between a shadow of myself and the "me" that people see.


im stuck all over.


and i cant breathe.


its my life yet i have no control over it.


i have no say in it.


i cant even do what i want.


i need help.


before i get entirely suffocated.


im already stuck in this big black hole.


i can feel that time's running out.


it's getting worse every day.


and i cant help it.


i need help.


before it's too late.


i just need you to listen.










over and done with

OH I AM SOOO OVER THIS!





no more waiting. i am SO tired of doing that.



i am so DONE with you.



what the hell, i have my own life. at least a new one.



and guess what! in this new life, you are so NOT in it!!!!



you could say i'm bitter, you could say or think anything you want! I DON'T CARE.




dude, seriously, all you have to do was read the fucking entries then delete the fucking account. was i asking too much from you?! DAMN.





then maybe you're gonna come up with your excuses again. even though deep down, it was actually your decision to not read it... to just ignore it.




well, life's full of decisions. some good, some not so good.





yours? i have no idea. that's just how you are to me. that's how you've always been. you were just too "mysterious" or "secretive" of your own feelings.



one last advice, you better start telling people what you really think and feel. if not, you might  just explode someday when you can't bottle up any more emotions...and end up hurting the people close to you.



and btw, if it helps ease your mind, i have PROUDLY shredded all our pictures (there weren't that many, really), all the conversations we've had in ym, all your emails, and yeah i think that's about it. i also deleted your name from my email contacts and also in ym. plus i've long ago deleted your phone number from my cellphone (and i didn't memorize it either).

HAPPY????

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